Super Fantastic

Smooth Operator

2011-07-31T09:37:00.003-06:00

A pleasant surprise last night; a phone call from a friend with probably the sexiest voice I've ever heard. Uf.
Talking about everything from motorcycles to breakup stories, of course the conversation kept drifting towards the inappropriate... there's a lot of sexual tension going on. Even right now, thinking about it/him, I bite my lip in frustration. My pulse gets faster. My cheeks flush.
.....
I've been invited to his house to visit. And by visit, I'm pretty sure that means make out. Just the thought makes me excited and nervous and ready to jump in the car and just do it...
His voice drives me fucking crazy. I imagine him whispering the naughtiest things to me just under his breath, with his hands buried in my hair and his stubble scratching my neck.
....
He asked me what I thought about when I masturbate... things like that are what I think about. Little snippets of what might be happening one day, Kind of like Cliffs Notes of the real thing. It's all I have right now... Wondering how he sounds, how he tastes, how he feels. Crazy, I tell you.

Kids!!!

2011-04-21T19:57:00.002-05:00

I honestly thought I had lost this blog... this is like Christmas. I have so much to tell you and so many stories brewing about.
Yay!

On Being Greedy...

2008-05-22T10:42:00.003-06:00

I'm hard to keep up with sexually. Being submissive in nature it is hard to ask for what I want because submissive people aren't supposed to have their own needs in mind. Thank the gods that phase is over. I have learned recently, that being submissive in nature doesn't mean that I have to be a door mat. How cool is that??

I find myself wanting to be draped all over this new boy. He turns me on physically as well as mentally. We have intellectual conversations, and with him I actually have an opinion. Again, very cool.

I'm not worried about him being able to keep up with me... quality over quantity. He's got me wanting him every moment of the day. When I'm not with him I can still smell him, taste him, feel him.

I love this new phase in my life right now. I have never felt fuller, more desired, sexier. I actually find myself almost holding back, just a little bit; I don't want to scare him with my enthusiasm. I don't want him to see my eagerness to please him as stalker behavior. And that is OK with me. It will all present itself in due time, when he is ready.

The greedy slut waits, though.

Puddles...

2008-05-05T13:08:00.003-06:00

Part of being alone means developing new habits, and new preferences.

Part of being alone means preparing yourself for the next new and exciting phase of your life. This could be a new hair color, a new job, a new vehicle, a new lover perhaps.

It's finally happened. The drought is over.

I met a boy; and he is fantastic. He's nothing like anyone I would have ever imagined myself with. He's kind, caring, thoughtful, and not abrasive in any way. I like it. He's also able to let go and help me let go at the same time. I feel comfortable around him, I feel safe, and I feel these things because I want to feel them, not because he states that it must be so. I never understood the difference like I do now.

The drought is over in more ways than one. I can feel again, I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not keeping part of myself hidden anymore.

Oh, and the sex is fantastic, too. Just the tip of the iceberg, though. I think as I've gotten older and gotten to know myself a lot more, sex is just a bonus. I will be the first to admit that I'm a greedy slut, but intellectual stimulation and bonding can serve as the best foreplay. And it has. In so many ways.

But the drought is over. Now, if I can only find my umbrella.

Crash

2008-04-14T09:40:00.002-06:00

I appreciate a good crash once in a while. It keeps me humble, and reminds me that I'm not perfect.

This crash is a bit different, I'm afraid. It doesn't feel like the others.

I feel alone, and it's scary. I feel abandoned. I feel lost.

It seems like the instant I reach the top of my ladder, to pull myself out of the pit of self-loathing, the ladder turns into a chute. I slide further down, even further than where I started.

But nevertheless, I climb. I'm a fighter. It's what I do.

Still, it would be nice to have a hand to grab onto, to pull me up. To at least wave me in the right direction.

But for now, I crash.

Stay tuned.

Hahaha

2008-03-17T13:52:00.002-05:00

Don't ever say I don't have a sense of humor. ;-)

Do You?

2008-03-04T21:58:00.002-05:00

Do you want to come over? I have a nice spot right here you'd like.

Will you pull me onto your lap, kissing me hard, deep, while your hands pull my hair?

Will you stop only long enough to slide my skirt up over my hips?

Will you whisper "tsk tsk" when you see that I not only don't have any panties on, but that I've left a nice warm wet spot on your lap?

Will you be so bold as to make me lick it off your pants?

Will you pull me back into your lap, pulling my head back by my hair, to bite my neck and whisper all sorts of naughty things into my ear?

Will you guide my hand onto my own hungry pussy, instructing me to play with myself right there in your lap?

Will you bite and pinch my nipples while I do it?

Will you tell me I'm a greedy slut when I cum so fast, trembling and shaking, my thighs shuddering against the outsides of your legs?

Will you make me lick my own wet fingers off? Will you kiss me around my fingers; fighting me for a taste of myself?

Will you throw me down on the couch, slamming yourself into me?

Will you hold my legs up high by the ankles, fucking me harder and harder?

Will you stop fucking me long enough for me to beg you for my orgasms?

Will you fuck me harder and harder, until your cock gushes into my wet swollen cunt?

Will you finger my ass, before filling it with your dick?

Will you finger my pussy while you are fucking my ass? Hard, fast, relentless, so much that I can't even catch my breath?

Will you make me beg you to cum on me, all over me?

Will you make me take a finger full of your cum, and lick it off?

Will you?

Paint It Black...

2008-02-25T14:24:00.003-05:00

I have a huge infatuation with black leather gloves.

I remember stealing them from my mother, out of her purse, when I was younger. My hands have always been bigger than hers, and her gloves would fit me so snugly. I would take them off and put them on, over and over. I breathed in the leather smell, delighted in the tightness of them around my fingers, how soft they felt when I ran them over my face.

I would love to feel them on my tingly body.
To feel them prying my mouth open, forcing their fingers in.
To feel them traveling the length of my tummy, pausing only to pinch and torture my hard nipples. Twisting, pulling, so tortuously delightful.
To feel them inserted in my hot clenching cunt. Three fingers, maybe four if I've been especially unruly.
To feel them back in my mouth, my eager tongue cleaning my wetness off them.
To feel them in my hair as I'm forced down to take a throatful of his hard cock.
To feel them holding my chin open as he cums all over my face and in my mouth.

Perhaps he'd take them off and stuff them in my mouth as he fills my ass.

Yes, I think I can see that quite clearly.

Drought

2008-02-07T14:50:00.000-05:00

I'm dying... Well. Maybe not really DYing, but I am suffering great need right now.

It has been longer than I can put into writing since I have been on the receiving end of a right good shag.

My dreams are punctuated with images and thoughts of being violated, thrown down and had.

I wake up with my thighs clenched and nipples hardened into little bullets. Who knew that as an adult I'd be reduced to wet dreams?

Ugh. If this doesn't end soon I'll be getting in my vehicle and paying Dark Pixie a visit.

Not Yet

2008-01-24T10:43:00.000-05:00

“You looked great today”

His email made my stomach flutter.

I can’t have him. Not yet. But that doesn’t make me not want him.

He kissed me, at our lunch meeting. It was quick and while our colleague was in the restroom. His firm grasp on my arm showed me his aggression, and that turned me on.

We went over business while I picked at my lunch. I caught myself looking at him more than once, and our eyes met over the cheesy centerpiece at the table.

I wanted him to whoosh everything off the table and throw me on it, not caring who was looking or embarrassed. I wanted him to see how easily I could give in to him.

But that is bad. I can’t have him. Not yet.

Or can I?

I want to experience what he feels like. What he kisses like… REALLY kisses. I want to know how he touches, where he touches. What he likes. What he sounds like. What he smells like. How he reacts to me.

But I can’t. Not yet.

I want him to whisk me into his office and shut the door behind him. I want him to force me to my knees in front of him. I want him to take my hair in his hand and push himself down my greedy throat. I want him to pull me off him and then throw me onto his desk. I want him to fuck me, hard and fast, with a hand over my mouth so that no one can hear what we are up to. I want to feel the sweat dripping onto my body. I want to cum, hard, around him. And I want to taste him. I want him to tell me what a nasty girl I am.

*sigh* I can’t. Not yet.

But I will.

Passionate Kisses...

2008-01-22T09:57:00.000-05:00

I miss making out. There, I said it.

That's the tough part about no one special in my life right now. I miss making out, so much. I could do it for hours. I mean it. I have vivid dreams about making out and I wake up, excited to the point of the shakes. Only after making myself cum a few times am I able to calm down to go back to sleep.

That's the most exciting part of getting close to someone new, I think. As our relationships develop, certain things are either forgotten about or become unimportant. We don't pay attention to those little things that really mean a lot.

Perhaps I'm getting a little sappy, but come on. I used to tell a boy "Kiss me like you're never going to see me again", and I meant it.

Throw your arms around me, hold the side of my face, do it. Bite my lips, whisper naughty things in my ear as you sneak a feel under my bra. My nipples will be hard, guaranteed. Hold my ass in your hands while you press your hardness into me. Yum. Remind me how slutty I am and how easily I respond to just your lips. Tease me by pulling your head away and making me reach for you.

See? Tell me that's not the best part.

Fly On The Wall

2008-01-21T13:09:00.000-05:00

I was talking with a friend the other day, and the topic of being watched came up. We elaborated on watching vs. being watched, and voiced our opinions about both.

I've never been much of a watcher. I do like porn, and nudity does not offend me. However, I don't like to be around people who are having sex. I don't want to watch them; it seems to private. Surprisingly, I have been in more than a couple multiple partner situations. I've had several 4-ways, and even more 3-somes.

Maybe it's different when you are an active participant. Maybe not. I'm pretty sure that my enjoyment came from BEING watched. I like to be watched.

Knowing vs. not knowing makes a difference too. I certainly enjoy myself in both situations, but knowing someone is there causes maybe a little holding back.

I had a boyfriend once who watched me masturbate but he didn't tell me he was watching. I remember how I felt when he told me he had been watching. It was thrilling, but scary at the same time. I immediately thought back to what I had been doing. I couldn't believe he had caught me doing that. Then I was excited. I wanted to do it again, to show him what I liked. I wanted him to do it at the same time. All these new possibilites opened up.

And I did let him watch me, lots of times. I used my fingers while he went down on me. I did it in the shower, together with him. I did it in the car while he drove. I did it everywhere. And he loved it. So did I. I felt sexy, I felt slutty.

The fucker still cheated on me. LOL I guess it proves that no matter how slutty you are, someone else will trump you.

Changing

2008-01-08T08:56:00.000-05:00

I can feel a change in myself, which is not in the least unsettling. I used to avoid the unfamiliar, curl up away from things that I was not used to. Now I am welcoming it. I am ready for things to be different.

What does this mean? I don’t know. I do know, though, that things I used to condone and things I used to be intrigued by are no longer interesting to me. I used to feel sorry for people who have such shitty self esteem that they rely on someone else to make their choices for them. Now I feel sorry for them but on a different level. I can no longer find things in common with them. We all know the kinds of people I’m talking about. The people who are so up someone’s ass that they can’t even be bothered to pick out their own socks or their own brand of toothpaste. Oh, HE doesn’t like mint so I need to use cinnamon toothpaste. Never mind that I’m allergic, that’s what Benadryl is for. I love being his sub. Uh – NO. And maybe it’s just that I don’t understand that kind of lifestyle, and that’s fine. I’m not passing judgment. I have no desire to want to know that kind of lifestyle. I’m becoming less submissive I think. The masochist is still alive and well and starving for attention but the submission is taking a back burner. Is this possible?

I guess, too, I just have a really strong desire to kick someone’s ass. I guess with every masochist there needs to be an understanding of how a sadist works, but lately it’s becoming a strong urge. Almost like a hunger. I want to feel the exchanging of power, I want to have the control, and I want to be on top.

Why the change? Have I truly evolved this much as a person without the guidance of someone else that I can feel so strongly about not wanting to submit to someone anymore? No one has led me to this decision. True, there are things I have read and things I have seen and experienced that had an impact on how my thought process has changed. But this is solely my decision, and I love it.

What an adventure this is going to be.

Naughty... or Nice?

2007-12-18T14:28:00.000-05:00

I'm on Santa's bad list for sure. I have been having impure thoughts again. *Sigh* Will I ever learn? Nope.

Today's daydream - Christmas light bondage. Yum.

Imagine a beautiful flushed girl with lights bound around her wrists and ankles; perhaps some tinsel to go with it.

What would Santa do with that sight, coming down the chimney?

Would he leave her tied while he fills the stockings, chuckling at her attempts to wiggle loose? Would he take her over his knee and scold her for being on the naughty list? One can only wish.

Now, if I could only find my dang mistletoe.

Merry Christmas! I'll be back after New Year's with more naughty stories and wishes.

Imagine This?

2007-11-25T17:16:00.001-05:00

Do you have an inclination for BDSM?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Experimental

Experimentation is a great place to be. Open-mindedness when it comes to sexuality can open doors and allow you to discover things that you didn't think you would find engaging. Having such a curious attitude can help you learn more about your own sexual nature as well as the nature of others.

Experimental

86%

Submission

75%

Masochism

64%

Switch

61%

Bondage

57%

Sadism

32%

Degradation

21%

Domination

11%

Exhibitionism and Voyeurism

11%

Vanilla Sex

Heh. I took this quiz linked on Subtle Slavegirl. I like the results!!!

I'm Gonna Make You Love Me

2007-11-17T16:04:00.001-05:00

The world never ends
It's only the beginning
And we can't pretend
To discover it's meaning
We talked for hours at a time
Then I came to my senses
You're more than a friend
You're my perfect lover

I'll never be all you want me to
But that's all right

I'm gonna make you love me
I'm gonna dry your tears
And we're gonna stay together
For a million years

It's the least I can do
Just to make you my baby
No words could describe
Oh, pinch me I'm dreaming

Your hair's long and black
As it lays 'cross my pillow
When I stare in your eyes
I get lost in your glory

I'll never be all you want me to
But that's all right

I'm gonna make you love me
I'm gonna dry your tears
And we're gonna stay together
For a million years

When you were a little girl
Your great big world came tumbling down
So sad

Yeah, the river it bends
But it flows to the ocean
And baby here I am
I'm your sea of devotion

I'll never be all you want me to
But that's all right

I'm gonna make you love me
I'm gonna dry your tears
And we're gonna stay together
For a million years....

Inferno

2007-11-15T08:30:00.001-05:00

He makes me so hot, and he's never touched me. We barely know each other, yet there is something about him that captivates me. We have a business relationship, and very much need to discuss things that are business related, but sometimes it's hard to concentrate, my mind will wander to my favorite places and all will be lost.

I think about how he he might kiss, how he might touch, how he might sound...

Would he be gentle and leave me trembling, wanting more? Would he be rough, bringing out the animal in both of us? Would he leave marks? Would he come back again?

So many questions left to be answered.

Figured Me Out

2007-11-11T12:11:00.001-05:00

I often find myself picking up on tones in other people's voices that pique my curiosity. A low toned order will get my attention very quickly, whether it's a man getting after his child, or a woman demanding a refund at the courtesy desk.
I have a hard time asserting myself outside of normal life. I raise my children strictly. I demand that my instructions are met at work. But that's where I draw the line. In relationships, I don't like to make many decisions. I like to leave that up to whoever I am with. I would assume that this is not abnormal. This naturally leads to me wearing my heart on my sleeve. It's how I get hurt. I become attached much easier than I would like, which is hard because I want to keep control over that. No, you can't have my heart. You can take my body, and I will submit to you, but please don't break my heart. It doesn't work out that way. It never does. Submission takes a lot from me, it demands a lot of trust, and it demands a lot of connecting on more than a physical level. Is it any surprise that I have a hard time disassociating the physical and the emotional?
Which leads me to a hilarious exchange between a sales rep and me, which I will share because it's just too funny. I was giving him shit because he misinformed a customer regarding some things that I handle. He backed down swiftly and apologized. I asked him "Do you always back down this easily?"
His reply, "You have no idea".

I think we might have another submissive in the office...

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

2007-10-14T20:24:00.000-05:00

Long before I realized the extent of my own submissiveness, I was a slut. It's a coping mechanism, as I'm sure all of you are aware. A form of rebellion.

My whole life I have always been second best. I have been the day old bread that the old ladies might appreciate for their stuffing, but that no one would serve on their dinner table for company. I'm the discounted Christmas ornaments that are missing a bulb. It's my thing, my cross to bear.

I could write an encyclopedia on dysfunctional relationships, from my childhood to a series of pathetic boyfriends. In my early 20's I put an end to the dysfunction and swore off relationships until I could fix myself. I was taking my life back.

Part of attempting to take my life back included letting a whole bunch of men who weren't worth my time go to places that no one deserved to go. I felt that by making the decision to be a slut, that I was exhibiting some sort of control over my life. Nothing could be further from the truth. Being slutty doesn't feel good. In the morning, when the next random guy is leaving the driveway, you panic. Of course most of my slut practice was done while under the influence of many drinks. There were some blackouts involved. I know how bad it makes me seem, but I don't care.

As I grew up and out of the random phase, I really started tuning in to my body and what it is that I truly needed. A lot of people don't understand that being submissive is a gift that you give to the person who will be Dominating. We subs don't walk around with blinders on, begging any person on the road to kick our ass. There is much more to it. Being submissive is also a gift to ourselves. It's the ability to trust - to really truly trust.

What a fantastic thing to give ourself... being able to let go. Being able to let someone fix us. A Dominant isn't just some bully who is coming around to inflict some damage, laugh at the tears, and take off. I'm sure there are many sadists out there who would disagree with me, but tough shit.

I need someone who will not only accept where I have been and where I have come from (believe me, it's been quite an interesting ride), but will help me pick up the pieces and find that corner piece that has been missing for quite some time. Someone to complete the puzzle. Maybe even add to the layers.

Maybe my personal ad should read:
"Likes dogs, loves bonfires. Redhead with a temper that needs an attitude adjustment. Plays well with others. The safe word is banana."

That made me laugh. Maybe I'm worse at this than I thought. :o)

Comic Relief

2007-10-04T08:06:00.000-06:00

I often find myself thinking of ridiculous and funny situations to be in. I am a goofball by nature, and love to laugh. This naturally carries over into my sex life. As you can imagine, getting a giggle fit while being flogged mercilessly can lead to trouble. Once in a while though, while trying to find my comfortable corner in sub-space, I will think of a visual of how stupid I must look at the time. Tied down... hair all hagged out, eyes red and wet from fighting (and losing against) tears, there may even be snot involved. Yuck! But a funny picture nonetheless. A small giggle escapes, and boy is there hell to pay. Only a pathetic sub would call her safe word to ask for a tissue. Is there a such thing as a Dom with a sense of humor?

My birthday was yesterday. I didn’t even get a spanking. Any volunteers? I promise not to laugh.

Inner Strength

2007-09-23T17:52:00.001-06:00

How many of us struggle to find that inner strength, when we are sure we've met our breaking point?

It's the little voice that talks us through the tears that are sure to come with an especially intense scene.

Maybe our arms are stretched far above our head, and we are laying there being tormented, our body is so weak and trembling. Inner strength comes in the form of arching our back to bring our ass up to him for one more strike.

One more strike of dozens, perhaps a hundred. We feel the welts forming, and are sure that sitting will be an issue in the near future. But all of that doesn't matter. Our strength is focused on submitting. Our strength is feeding our need to be pushed.

Maybe our forearms are aching and trembling from holding onto the headboard so tightly, our jaw cramping from clenching, forbidding us to protest. This what we wanted, no?

Perhaps we are turned over so we can be abused further. Knowing that our facial expressions will betray our quiet strength, can we continue to be strong?

The bite of the whip into flesh. The crack as it makes impact. The sharp intake of breath. The hiss of approval from Him.

And then, when all is said and done, strength to be alone after we are dragged by our hair into our own bed, and tossed there to be put away for the night.

Good night, slut.

Thank you, Sir.

Masturbation Fodder

2007-09-13T19:54:00.001-06:00

I've just let my hair down, feeling it cascade down to my mid-back. I think about how long it's gotten, and how I'd love to cut off. But I won't.

I don't have a shirt on; I'm sitting here naked from the waist up, my barbells are shining in the glow of the monitor. Vertical nipple piercings - Google it, it's a good thing.

And here I sit. What would you do to me if you were here? Would you pull me back by my hair, demanding my undivided attention? Would you captivate me without even having to say a thing?

Taking my breasts in my hands, I think of you. Squeezing my nipples gently at first, they get hard so easily now, straining against the metal posts inside them. Rolling the ends in my fingertips I allow myself a few seconds to think about you... but that is all.

I'd give anything to feel you inside me... slow, painfully slow. So slow I can feel every bump and ridge of your perfect cock against my cunt. Would you call me your dirty girl? Or would your brazen groans and sharp intake of breath do your talking for you?

Either way you've submitted. What a switch.

Slow, easy, as I writhe underneath you... my eyes fluttering closed every time you plunge deeply into me. You hold yourself there, and my hands clench the sheets beneath us.

One handful of ass and one handful of hair as you thrust over and over... My legs wrap around you and try to hold you tighter, inside me, not wanting to lose the sensation of being filled by you.

And now, still thinking of you, I am pleasuring myself. My fingers penetrate my wetness, rubbing circles around my clit... I'd love for you to be here right now to see this. I can't mimic the sensations you would bring to me, but I don't stop. Stopping periodically to squeeze and pinch my nipples.

Beads of sweat form on your browline as you fuck me; trying to keep it slow, you are holding yourself back. You don't want this to be slow. You want to slam into me. You want to hold me down by my hair, slap my tits and call me a filthy whore. But tonight you go slow. Until it's past time to be nice, and you slam hard, only once into me; shuddering as your hot cum spurts into my wet pussy.

Three fingers inside and my thumb on my clit, my hips rock their way to a tingling orgasm.
"Yesyesyesyesyesyes" I hiss to myself, quietly, my head tipped back and teeth clenched.

Could you go that slow?

Moist

2007-08-27T19:22:00.000-06:00

The wet slap of His hand echoed as he smacked my wet pussy again. "You nasty little whore", He chastised me. "You're dripping." "yes, Sir", i answered Him, my legs shaking from holding my release back. i was reclined on the bed, using my hands behind me as leverage. My head was leaned back, my long hair tickling my fingers as I swayed back and forth from the pleasure He was giving me. Clamps were attached to my nipples, as well as a chain. He pulled it every so often to remind me that i wasn't there for my own pleasure, but for Him to do as he wished. My legs were pushed uncomfortably back, and there was no other solution but to hold them there. Every time i let them fall, i was greeted with harsh spanks on the insides of my thighs. "Open", He would remind me. It was torture. i gasped as once again His fingers filled me. Two, then three. My greedy little cunt was making fantastic wet noises. He growled the filthiest things to me as He fingered me. He told me He was going to fuck my ass, hard, and that i was going to beg Him to do it. And then He stopped. Just like that. He pulled His fingers from me, and said "Don't move." Then He walked away. my breathing was still fast, and i was confused.

“i can’t believe He left”, i thought to myself.

There i was, on the edge of the bed, leaned back, legs held up and open. i was trembling.

When would He return? my body was hungry for Him. The cool air was refreshing on my moist body. Just the thought of Him brought chills to me. i shivered.

“What’s wrong, slut, are you cold?” i heard from the other side of the room.

“no, Sir”, i answered Him. i didn’t dare look for Him. Instead, i laid there as He instructed.

The air stirred as He moved back closer to me. i held my breath and closed my eyes. i had no idea what to expect.

His hands wound through my hair and He pulled my head back, hard. It was hard enough to lay me completely flat on the bed. my arms sprawled out next to me. my legs fell, dangling off the bed.

He dragged me by my hair closer to His side of the bed, so my head was hanging off the edge of the bed. He pulled the chain on my tits, hard. i gasped, then moaned. He stepped closer to me. Still holding the chain with one hand, He used His other hand to unbuckle and unzip His pants. He took His cock in His hand, stroking it just above my face.
”Open, slut”, He told me.

i opened my mouth, and He slid into it, easily. He pushed Himself all the way to the back of my throat, His balls resting on my nose. He held Himself there, completely inside my mouth and throat. Leaning over, He slapped my wet cunt, hard. The smack reverberated through the room. i moaned around him. Such sweet, delicious punishment. His cock was completely blocking my airway. He pulled out, little bits at a time, to allow me to take an occasional breath, before thrusting himself all the way back down. Hard, fast.

*Slap* again on my pussy. Then 3 fingers, rough, hard, penetrating.

i knew i wasn’t allowed to cum unless He said i could, but it was getting harder to hold it back. My legs were trembling nonstop. i tried to direct my focus to His dick down my throat.

Just when i thought i couldn’t take much more, He took His other hand from my chain and used it to play with my ass. First one finger, then two. He made me tell Him whose ass it is.

He pulled His cock from my mouth and moved back around between my legs. He resumed fingering both my greedy holes, not letting up. my head was turned to the side, and i could hardly catch my breath. i bit the skin on my inner arm, trying to bring myself back to focus and to not cum without Him saying i could.

“you want to cum, don’t you, you little whore”, He demanded.

“Yes, Sir, please” i begged.

“No.”, He answered.

Instead, He took his fingers from my cunt and used His hand to spank my thighs, hard. Gasping and squirming, tears sprung to my eyes. It really hurt.

He kept two fingers in my ass, never stopping His persistent thrusting.

He pulled back, stood up, and pulled me to the edge of the bed. He laid His cock at the entrance of my ass.

“Say it”, He growled at me.

“Please, Sir, please fuck my ass”, i begged, my voice a shaky whisper.

He called me a nasty whore as he shoved himself into my ass. i gasped as He filled me, trying to get my head around the sensations of being so full so quickly. He leaned down, pulled the chain on my nipples with one hand, and wound His fingers in my hair with the other hand. He pulled so delightfully hard as He fucked my ass.

“Now”, He ordered.

i came hard, long, violently. i was so wet there was a spot almost as wide as me underneath us. i thanked Him, over and over, my voice trembling. my legs were a wobbly mess.

He finished not long after i came, but not before He ordered me to cum with Him. His cum was hot inside my ass, and He called me His greedy little slut.

When we were done cleaning up and we were having quiet time, He told me “I told you I’d make you beg for it”.

Tagged - Hooray!!

2007-08-22T20:58:00.000-06:00

I'm tagged again - woot!

*What side of the heart do you draw first?
Left

*Can you dive without plugging your nose?
Um, yes.

*What color is your phone?
Pink and black

*Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
Evan Stone

*Where are you right now?
In my bedroom

*How do you feel about carrots?
Love them, so long as they are not mushy.

*How many chairs at the dining room table?
6 chairs

*Who is the best Spice Girl?
Oh, Sporty for sure. She is naughty.

*Do you know what time it is?
Yes, it's a little after 11.

*What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
Call a special friend and have phone sex.

*What's your favorite kind of gum?
Orbit raspberry mint

*T or F: All is fair in love and war?
False. Bitches who play dirty need to be punished, and not in a good way.

*Do you use words that you don't know the meaning to?
Only in meetings. It's held me over so far.

*Do you like to sleep?
I luuurve to sleep.

*Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Savings?
OMG. I'm really stupid b/c I didn't know there were states who don't use Daylight Savings.

*Do you know the song Sugar We're Goin' Down?
Of course. Pete Wentz is my pretend husband, didn't you guys know that already?

*Do you want a bright yellow '06 mustang?
No but I'll take a nice 1967 Camaro SS.

*What's something you've always wanted?
Acceptance

*Do you wear a lot of black?
No.

*Describe your hair.
Long-ish, auburn, wavy

*Are you an adult?
In more ways than one.

*Who is/are your best friends?
L, C, and J.

*Do you have a tan?
No, I have Irish pale skin.

*Are you a television addict?
Not so much but I do know that I can't sleep with out the TV on. I don't WATCH it, but the sound has to be there.

*Do you enjoy spending time with your mom?
Yes.

*Are you a sugar freak?
Nah, I'm into salty stuff.

*What is your favorite movie?
Anchorman

*What's your sign?
Libra!!

*Where do you wish you were right now?
Bed!

*Who did you copy this from?
Dark Pixie

*How do you know them?
She's a fellow blogger.

*Would you have sex with them?
Absolutely! ;-) She IS kind of hot.

Wishes

2007-08-21T12:53:00.001-06:00

In another environment, we could be lovers. We could be starry-eyed, pink-faced, hair-tousled lovers.

Can you see our limbs entangled?

Can you hear the small gasps of pleasure?

Can you hear the wet sounds of kissing, exploring?

Can you see the desire intensifying?

Funny how we’re raised to resist these types of urges.

Funny how because it’s so naughty, it seems so much hotter.

Now get over here and kiss me.

2007-08-19T20:23:00.000-06:00

"Hey, I'm Jay. Do you want to make out or something?"

And that's how I was introduced to him.

Of course I wanted to make out. And we did.

I was pressed (ok, thrown) against vacant cars, we grasped at each others' clothes, not caring who saw. It was dark out, but there were lights all over, and of course, people. "Get a room!" I heard more than once.

His knee ground into me, almost painfully. The truck we were slammed against left a bruise on my back, and the whole backside of me was soaked.

I love the rain.

100 Things

2007-08-06T13:27:00.001-06:00

OK so I stole this fantastic idea from Dark Pixie. I tagged myself, so enjoy!

1. I don’t like tomatoes. At all. If you eat tomatoes in front of me I will make fun of you while you eat them.

2. I have the biggest crush on Paul Rudd. And Seth Rogan. And Bret Michaels.

3. The best food in the world is a bar cheeseburger with cheddar cheese. Pair that up with a cold draft Sam Adams and I’m a happy girl.

4. I would switch teams in a micro-second if Isabella Soprano showed up on my doorstep. I’ve actually considered saving some money and going to visit her.

5. I can fix any problem imaginable with a Xerox Phaser 7400 printer.

6. I am a mother, many times over. I had my children very young and this causes people to look at me strangely at school functions.

7. I could be imagining the strange looks mentioned in #6.

8. I got my nipples pierced this weekend. It was the single most painful experience in my entire life, and one of my children was almost 11 lbs. at birth.

9. I can speak Spanish semi-fluently. I am afraid to tell my boss this, in fears they will send me to our facility in Mexico to train new staff. My conversational Spanish is shot, so I would be useless.

10. I compound fractured my right ankle in 9^th grade. Getting my nipples pierced hurt more than that.

11. I wear socks to bed, but I remove them at some point in the middle of the night. When I change my bed sheets I am attacked by zillions of sock balls.

12. I would pack up and leave today if Colin Meloy asked me to.

13. I frequent gay bars because the music is better and I HATE drunk dudes who think that just because you are a chick in the bar you are looking to get screwed.

14. In day to day conversation and observations, one would never guess how submissive I really am. Really.

15. I make jokes and laugh, purely to take the attention off myself. I have HORRIBLE self esteem.

16. I undercook my chocolate cookies, then eat them warm with vanilla ice cream.

17. I used a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate once. It took me literally 10 seconds to cum.

18. I am terrified of ventriloquist dummies.

19. My music taste is seriously all over the board. I have over 700 songs in my library at home, and I own almost 300 CD’s. Everything from blues to hardcore to 40’s to Progressive. It’s all good, too. I defy you to tell me otherwise.

20. The best night of my life was going to see The Decemberists live at the Riviera Theater in Chicago.

21. I am geek for office supplies. I love to order them, and I like to pit my vendors against each other in order to get the best freebies and discounts.

22. I am afraid of marriage, to the point where I try to find something wrong with most every guy I date. It’s not their fault, it’s my own.

23. Mazzy Star’s voice makes me weak.

24. I enjoy mechanic shows, although I am not gifted in the technical sense at all.

25. The sound of a throaty V-8 engine gives me tingles.

26. I truly enjoy watching most types of porn, although the girl-on-girl stuff really gets on my nerves. Do you guys seriously think we kiss like THAT?

27. Someday I hope to find someone patient who will guide me through my rough patches, and be strong enough to be there for me, while at the same time pushing me to be the best I can be.

28. I’m not talking about submission. That just comes as a bonus.

29. I played volleyball and softball in high school. I was always jealous of a girl named Becky. I was jealous of everything but her scary blonde hair. It was like white blonde.

30. I overanalyze most situations, and usually have an anxiety fit over things beyond my control.

31. I’m currently enrolled in a class that helps me deal with that. I have won awards in 4 of the 8 weeks.

32. I look up to my big brother more than he will ever know. I admire his marriage and his strength as a man and husband.

33. I tell my kids I don’t like our cats, but after the kids go to bed, I totally spoil the cats and talk baby-talk to them.

34. This is while I’m sweeping the floor, because I can’t go to bed without the kitchen floor being swept.

35. I have a really big mouth when I get to drinking.

36. No, seriously really big. I mouth off to just about anybody. Even big dudes.

37. Plumeria scented anything makes me nauseous. It’s all my mom has in her house. I almost can’t stand to go visit. Between the cigarette smoke and the plumeria, I spend the weekend with a migraine.

38. I could live on raw carrots and cauliflower.

39. My legs never tan. Never. The whole top of my body could be nicely browned and my legs will still be chalk white.

40. Even though Sting is old enough to be my father, I find him disgustingly attractive. The same thing goes for Billy Idol.

41. I make the best stuffed peppers. Ever.

42. I don’t like chick flicks. They make me cry sometimes, and I don’t like all that emotion.

43. I love to watch hockey and will get hyper if either team gets close to scoring. I have hockey Tourette’s and swear a lot. There is a lot of jumping and sitting back down and screaming “NO!”

44. My friend L is the smartest person I know when it comes to pretty much anything. The girl can talk accurately and intelligently about everything from sports to theater to music to movies (My god, movies). I love her.

45. I want to go to a fetish club. I am afraid I will like it too much and won’t want to leave.

46. I have tried self-bondage while masturbating. It was hot, but it’s not the same if I don’t have someone hissing dirty words into my ear.

47. I have 37 pairs of shoes. I am still in search of the perfect black strappy bar shoes. Girls, you know what I’m talking about.

48. I have an entire drawer full of socks. It’s a big drawer. We’re probably talking about 100+ pairs of socks. None of them are identical.

49. I hate to drive. I hate it so much that I will let people I don’t even know that well drive my vehicle. You want to drive?

50. But I control the radio, all the time. If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s lame music. I will end dates over poor music taste.

51. I trust my gut feeling, always. If something doesn’t feel right, I will not do it. There is not a force in the world that can make me.

52. Most of the time I feel that because I have such strong boundaries, I make a horrible sub.

53. The one guy who I have felt 100% comfortable around moved away… I miss him horribly b/c he’s the only person I have ever been with who made me actually feel sexy and feel good about myself. He loved my big butt and loved my curves, and encouraged me to not change anything about me.

54. I owe most of my self confidence to that guy. I’m still not there completely, but it’s a work in progress.

55. I took my shirt off in 3^rd grade in front of one of my friends.

56. That friend came out of the closet after high school. Maybe I should take my shirt off in front of her NOW. She’s pretty hot.

57. I hate it when I don’t get mail. I like getting mail every day, even if it’s the lame coupon books that the carpet cleaners send out. It makes me feel important.

58. I check my email obsessively, at least twice an hour.

59. That is just personal email. At work I get probably 75 emails a day. They auto-receive, though, no dodging them. Shucks.

60. I met Penn Gillette in Las Vegas 3 years ago. He is HUGE.

61. The only kind of ice cream cone I will eat is plain vanillas soft serve, unless the shop sells lemon/vanilla twist.

62. I still sit and giggle when I watch Yosemite Sam cartoons.

63. I am afraid of weeds in water. It comes from watching too many scary movies as a kid about creepy things in the weeds.

64. The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie gave me nightmares for years. And that was from only hearing it. I had nightmares until age 17. Then it became one of my favorite movies.

65. My clothes are in my closet sorted by color and season (short sleeved, button up, sweater, jeans, skirts, etc.)

66. I enjoy working late, because everyone leaves at 4 – 5, and then I can do my work without being distracted.

67. I really like to shop. Really like it.

68. I do not enjoy the 69 position, not in the least. I feel very self conscious and unattractive, and it’s hard for me to concentrate on giving and receiving at the same time.

69. For that, I think I’d make a lousy lesbian. Sorry, Isabella.

70. I still color in coloring books, with Crayola crayons. I even have my own books and crayons that the kids aren’t allowed to use.

71. I’m a horrible gardener. I kill house plants, flowers, you name it. I just have no skills in that area.

72. I AM a whiz at organization. I like to go to people’s houses and help them as well. It’s fun for me.

73. The grand canyon terrifies me, as does most big things. Big water, big boats, big fish… AH!

74. I believed for years that my face would get stuck like that, so I didn’t do much goofing off as a kid.

75. I am so gullible and naïve it’s gross.

76. I got busted at a job before sleeping at my desk. I was pregnant and had low blood sugar. At least that’s the excuse I gave him. Honestly, I was just damn tired.

77. My kids say I am old because I was born before the Nintendo came out.

78. I flew for the first time all by myself. I went to Atlanta to meet someone from the internet. His name was Chris. We had a good time.

79. I hate talking on the phone. Absolutely hate it.

80. I like pretzels and peanut butter and eat them in bed while waiting for my toenails to dry.

81. Then I change my sheets and shake the crumbs and sock balls from my bed.

82. I listen to my play list on shuffle while cleaning my room. I sing, loudly, into random household objects – the hairbrush, feather duster, lint roller, spoons

83. People with bad hair seriously bug me. They can’t NOT know they look that horrible, can they?

84. Bad children also bug me. Doesn’t anyone parent anymore? Anyone?

85. I can recite almost every line to Anchorman. It is my favorite movie.

86. Farts are hilarious to me. So is the sound of someone’s nose honking when they blow their nose.

87. I am a yard sale queen. I have a hard time driving by a yard sale without stopping to see what they have.

88. My mom was not good at being a mom. I fear that my kids will think the same thing about me when they get older.

89. I was once so poor that I took $1.00 in pop bottles to the store to buy a lottery ticket, in hopes of winning millions and making a better life for my kids.

90. Instead of winning the lottery, I motivated myself to get off my ass and make my OWN life better. It worked. I can’t believe how well it worked.

91. Gene Simmons makes me blush. He’s not that attractive, but his charisma and confidence command respect. Not to mention that tongue. Momma likes.

92. I would consider being someone’s paid house maid… cleaning house and dusting, and I’d even wear the uniform.

93. I actually like to go grocery shopping. Well, except for the droves of screaming children.

94. I “sample” grapes from the produce section. I also “sample” Royals candy from the bulk foods.

95. I can change my own oil; I’m just too lazy to do it. Besides, my mechanic is hot and dirty, so I’d rather watch him do it and ogle him inappropriately.

96. I’m finding it hard to focus now that I only have 4 more of these to go!

97. I’ve learned a lot about my own submissiveness through reading blogs and erotica stories. I’ve also learned a lot about what I definitely would never do.

98. I don’t judge those people who have the courage and confidence to go that far. It’s admirable.

99. I’m thankful. Truly thankful.

100. I’m done!! Yay!

If You'd Like To Make A Call...

2007-08-06T09:42:00.000-06:00

Have you ever tried to have a conference call while finding yourself in a very arousing situation?

He knew I had a call scheduled to discuss some business matters, but that didn’t stop him from texting me my orders. What else could I do?

I discussed points of origin and supplier locations, while touching myself per His instruction.

“One”, he sent… my order to insert one finger. So hot, wet, clenching. I needed more.

“Two”, he sent… It felt marvelous. I wanted him there with me, although this was the next best thing.

“Faster”, he sent. I complied, my breath catching, threatening to betray my actions to the others on the call.

“Stop”, he sent.

“Please”, I replied.

My fingers were pruned from my wetness, my nipples hard and straining against my silk blouse. There was no way I could concentrate on whatever business I had been discussing. Good thing my colleague was in on the call and she is a better note taker than I am.

My feet twirled anxiously as I awaited his next orders. I tried to pour myself into the call, making suggestions where required, compulsively checking my phone.

But nothing. I was tingling with anticipation. I almost dared to touch myself again, I was almost there, it would be a matter of seconds before the release came. But I knew better, and the punishment would be severe for such blatant disobedience.

My phone vibrated.

“Now”, he sent.

My release was frantic, hot, wet, trembling. I bit my lip to keep myself from crying out and alerting my associates to what was really going on in my office.

“Again”, he sent.

I threw my head back as I shook violently in my chair. I had one leg over the arm by now, my fingers working my swollen wet cunt. I had absolutely NO idea what was being discussed at this point; my head was with Him.

“Nasty slut”, he sent.

“Yes, Sir”, I replied.

Restless

2007-08-03T08:17:00.000-06:00

I dreamed of him last night. I dreamed about what he would be like, in control. I could almost feel it.

I knelt in front of him, head down, hands clasped behind my back, waiting.

Gently, his fingers touched my chin, tipping my face up to look at him. I bit my lip out of nervousness. He ran his fingers down one side of my face, his eyes never leaving mine. With his other hand, he undid he belt. I could hear the buckle jingling. His hand left my face, and he pulled his pants down. I wanted to see him, but didn’t dare move my eyes from his. He was standing, naked from the waist down, right in front of me. There was nothing I could do about it. I could tell he was touching himself. I could feel the warmth of him, mere inches from my mouth. I bit my lip harder, fighting the urge to reach out and taste him. My whole body tingled. I was so gloriously wet, hot against my jeans.

And there I knelt. A good little submissive, knowing her place.

His breath quickened, and his eyes fluttered almost all the way shut. He grabbed my hair, and growled “Open”. I opened my mouth wide and he shoved his perfect cock down my throat. I moaned into him, grateful to finally taste him. He rewarded me with his delicious cum. I swallowed it all, and he pulled himself from my mouth. I pouted slightly to myself; I love the way he tastes and I am a greedy slut, I didn’t want to stop.

I would be a good little whore for him. Instead of asking for it, here I kneel. Will he notice?

You're So Charming When You Fuck Me Over

2007-07-27T21:52:00.000-06:00

I ripped off a great song for the title of this post... a big kiss to whoever guesses correctly.

Anyway, on with the show. I'm not in a particularly giving mood of late, in fact I've been quite cranky. Why, you ask? Well, there is an individual who I want SO badly. I'm doing all the right things - I'm putting myself out there. I'm being flirty without being too slutty. I'm listening to his problems. I'm doing all the things a good girl should do, not to mention a couple of things good girls DON'T do (See desk post). My reward? Absolutely nothing. Sideways compliments about how the "guys" said I'd be so hot if I lost weight. You know what? I'm not a fucking twig. I have curves, fantastic curves, in the right places. I have a glorious ass that's perfect for grabbing, and looks remarkable from behind. (Ok that was dumb, where ELSE are you going to look at an ass from? Oye.)

I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. I feel invisible where he's concerned, and I don't like it. I could play the passive-aggressive card, but we aren't in high school anymore, are we?

I want him. To want me. I crave the acknowledgment. I desire to be more than just someone he hangs out with and occasionally does naughty stuff to. I need more than that.

The junky part is that I have no place to be upset or put off by what he does. He's never promised me anything, and I haven't asked for anything either.

I wonder what he would do if I sent him a text message saying I was on my way over, and came over and just had my way with him. Maybe I could tease him, have him aching for me, begging me like I've been begging him all these months. Would he flip me over and fuck me madly into the mattress? Would he pin my arms over my head and call me a nasty slut? Would he fuck me harder and harder, until I can't even catch my breath? I'm such a greedy slut. Could he handle what I need? Does he have any idea?

Ravenous

2007-07-25T15:36:00.000-06:00

He’s all I can think about. I want to taste him. I want to feel him under my tongue, lips, hands.

I need it.

I need to taste the wet saltiness the sweat on his brow. I need to see the hungry look in his eyes mirroring my own desire. I need to feel his hands in my hair, urging me to touch more of him. I need to feel the roughness of his hair as I kiss and lick his stomach. I need to feel his muscles tighten as I get closer to the spot he wants me most. I need to hear his groaned words of encouragement. That’s it. Just like that.

Does he want me this bad?

Working Late

2007-07-15T19:54:00.000-06:00

We left the bar, quite aware of the rumors that would be circulating when we get to work Monday morning. We had run into a couple of co-workers while we were out. He was driving me home, because ol' Fanta-Cee consumed one too many beverages.

He wondered if 3rd shift was working, I asked him why, he said "Because I'm going to throw you on your desk". I found my keys quickly, I didn't want to miss out on this opportunity.

We got to the building, and I used my key to let us in the front door. He excused himself to use the restroom, and I sat in my chair. Being the workaholic that I am, I checked e-mail quickly to see if anything urgent was waiting.

He came out of the restroom and came to my desk. He leaned up against one side of it, and I twirled nervously back and forth in my chair. I looked up at him and bit the corner of my lip. My hands were clasped tightly in my lap. He is SO beautiful. It took all of my willpower to not strip him bare and just worship him. Yum.

His belt jingled against itself as he unbuckled it. He was still maintaining small talk with me at this point, and it drove me crazy to see what was happening. Within seconds he was naked from the waist down. My breath caught in my throat, and I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. If every man looked like him, there should be a law stating that they all walk around nude. Strong, muscular, fuzzy thighs. I love his legs.

He told me I had too many clothes on, so I quickly remedied that problem. I kept my shoes on though. Brown, strappy, high heels. I love those shoes. I am a shoe slut, though. I could run in high heels.

I giggled out of nervousness, and he asked me what was wrong. I told him nothing, that I was nervous, and slightly intimidated. He laughed it off. Then he told me to kneel in front of him and suck him.

There I was, on my knees like a good girl, with my prize in front of me. I took his cock in my hands, caressing it softly with my fingertips and fingernails. Maintaining eye contact, I puckered my lips and kissed the head. His eyes fluttered closed, and his head fell back briefly. Yahtzee. Taking one hand off him, I slid it up onto his stomach. It was warm, fuzzy, hard, perfect. My tongue swirled around him and I moaned quietly. I took more of him in my mouth; he tasted fantastic. Every so often I would hear his breath catch, and it encouraged me that much more. I wanted to show him how good I could be for him. My knees ground into the chair mat; the heels of my shoes dug into the bottom of my ass. His perfect cock fit my mouth like it was made for it. Sliding him down my throat, I moaned more. I was so turned on, I couldn't hardly take it.

Then he stopped me. Quizzically, I looked at him. "Bend over", he told me.

I bent over my desk, my mind swimming with all kinds of indecent thoughts. He's not really Dominant, and that is fine. He put one hand on my hip, and slid the other one around to the front of me. He felt that I was dripping, and chuckled to himself. He positioned himself and slid slowly, tortuously into me. I held my breath, arching my back. "That's it", he told me. He laid his hand on my back, holding me arched, and quickened his thrusting. I came hard, almost immediately, my thighs trembling as I tried to keep myself balanced. I held onto the top ledge of my desk as he fucked me hard, his fuzzy thighs making contact with mine on each thrust. He fucked me for what seemed like forever that way. We were being very loud, it was so naughty.

He was getting close to cumming, I could tell by the way his hands clenched at my flesh and the way his moans changed pitch. The sounds he made turned me on even more, if that was possible. I started to cum again, and he finished very soon after. But he made sure I finished that last orgasm before he stopped. Trembling, I laid against my desk, with him still behind me. he kissed me on my shoulder, and slapped me once on the ass.

My knees are bruised from the chair mat, and my ass still has bruises from my heels. Of course I thanked him. A good girl always remembers her manners.

New Discovery

2007-07-09T10:19:00.001-06:00

I drank more than I usually would, pretty much because I felt very out of place. I was invited to the birthday party by a friend of mine, and these were her friends. Most of the night I sat drinking my eleven million beers and enjoying the sights and the people who sat down to talk to me. Everyone seemed very nice.

Her name is Mandy.

She sat in the chair to my immediate left, and we bonded over a mutual love for fake redneck teeth. We chatted off and on most of the night about a lot of different things. We people watched. We danced. It was fun.

The last time we danced it was to Bobby McGee. I love that song, and proclaimed it to her while we were dancing. She smelled very nice. I told her that, too. Our faces got closer, we hugged tighter, and then it happened.

She kissed me. Or maybe I kissed her, I don’t remember. But a love of people watching escalated into kissing in the middle of a dance floor.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve kissed girls before. Mostly at the urging of horny male observers, but I have kissed girls. But this was different. This was consensual. There was no egging on. I wanted it. Didn’t I? Yes, I’m sure I did.

We broke the kiss, but remained clenched tightly against each other while the song finished. I love that song.

Then we went on with the rest of our night, chatting and people watching.

She gave me her phone number. I’d like to use it.

Nice

2007-07-03T08:16:00.001-06:00

When he walks, the muscles in his back flinch. It’s kind of hard to miss, then again, I catch myself staring at him quite often.

He has no idea how bad I want to come from behind him and lick him, biting softly along his ribs, tickling him. How bad I want to slide my hands inside his shirt, feeling his tummy. Will it be fuzzy? Smooth?

I bet he smells fantastic.

I’d love to kneel at his feet, and lay my face on him. And just stay there. Comfortable. Secure. Just a few innocent touches here and there. No rough groping or face fucking. No biting, pinching, pulling hair. Just playing nice.

I’d like that. Sometimes it’s nice to play nicely.

Foolish

2007-06-29T12:20:00.001-06:00

He told me he is proud of me. I feel like an idiot for doubting myself. For doubting Him.

We talked more at length about the things I am afraid of (specifically the electric b.s.) and he told me “Well it’s not like I would ever surprise you with something like a toaster in the bathtub”. The candid approach really wins me over, because I don’t like to be serious all the time, and I’m grateful that he saw that I needed a smile through all this uncertainty. He told me to make a list of the things I would never do, and we would go from there. He also told me not to beat myself up so much, and to not worry about the things I can’t/won’t do, so that we can focus on the things that I am comfortable with. He wants me to enjoy myself. And on the same level he wants me to be receptive to having my comfort zone challenged. Not with the off-limits stuff, but with some of the “maybe” stuff. I feel like such a jerk right now.

No one ever said this was going to be easy, so I don’t know what I’m expecting.

I think the thing that worries me most, is losing the control I have fought so hard to retain. In my normal life, I am a warrior. I am a survivor. I am my own biggest fan and biggest critic. I need to ramp up the “fan” part, and really get behind myself with this whole thing.

The important part is that he has been nothing but honest and forthcoming. He has listened to my concerns, talked me down where applicable. He is becoming firmer gradually, which I think I need. I need someone like him in my life to keep me grounded, and to keep me humble.

While I’m sure there will be future meltdowns as I resist change, I am looking forward to this next chapter in discovering myself.

Accepting Defeat

2007-06-28T08:02:00.001-06:00

I am a bad sub. I don’t mean bad like “Ooh, I’ve been naughty, tee hee”. I’m really bad at this.

How is it good when the list of “Don’t” is longer than the list of “Do”?

We (He and i) got to chatting last night and he sent me some links to things he wants to buy. The things started off as stuff I would buy myself and would be into, and escalated into things that frankly scared the shit out of me. I’ve seen a violet wand before; and it seems interesting. But then he linked me something that literally shocks you… it reminds me of a defibrillator. I forgot what he called it, and I’m too annoyed to look it up here at work. The next link was something that looked like a cattle prod. So then I got pissed off. I mentioned to him that I have a heart murmur and the idea of having my body shocked doesn’t sit well. He said he would have to read up on the defibrillator thing but that he “didn’t think” I had anything to worry about. OK, sure... why not strap me into an electric chair - I think Sing-sing might have a spare they're not using - and while you're at it, affix a phallus to the seat that has an 8" thrust at 4 per second. Why not fuck me right to death? Oh you know what else would be hot - stick my hands in some water while I'm being shocked and fucked to death.

First off, I’m not a slave. I’m submissive, and slightly masochistic. I can understand wanting to be pushed, and for my Dominant to want to push boundaries and comfort levels. But am I really cut out for this? I know I’m not cut out for the humiliation and objectification that comes with this. Or perhaps I am just getting into something I have no business delving into?

Yes, this is what I asked for. No turning back.

But I don’t feel encouragement like I thought I would. I don’t feel safe like I think I should feel. I should rephrase that… I know He would never cause intentional physical harm. But I feel like he’s not listening to me. I'm not trying to be intentionally disrespectful to him either.

I didn’t know that to be submissive you had to lose yourself like this. I’m not sure I like it. I have clawed my way through life and have overcome unbelievable obstacles, and to just toss all that aside is unacceptable to me.

Is this normal?

Tagged by Dark Pixie :o)

2007-06-25T17:41:00.000-06:00

The rules…. each player starts with 7 random facts about themselves on their Blog. People who are tagged need to blog 7 facts about themselves and post the rules as well. At the end of their blog list 7 people you are tagging. Let them know that they are tagged by leaving them a comment.

So, here are my 7 random facts.

1. Like my friend dark pixie, i have a very diverse music taste. my CD collection has everything from Simon & Garfunkel to Marilyn Manson to Missy Elliott to The Decemberists to Toby Keith. It's very rare that i turn on a song that i don't know, from every generation from the 60's to current stuff.

2. My top 10 fears include moths, clowns, ventriloquist dummies, balloons, millipedes, and the dentist. The dentist fear is so bad that i have to take Valium before a cleaning.

3. i am physically unable to fall asleep at night if my house is not completely clean, specifically the kitchen. (Thank you, doctor, for Lunesta. And thank YOU, genetics, for the OCD)

4. i read supermarket tabloids. i read them online, i read other people's issues if it's one i don't already have.

5. i don't like my cat. i keep her around because the kids love her.

6. i'm writing a book. it's going to be awesome, a first person retelling of my life and everything i've accomplished. The reason I've waited so long to write said book is that i'm sure that whoever does the editing on it is going to laugh them self into a coma at my horrible grammar.

7. i don't want to get married in the typical old-fashioned way. i want to fly to Vegas on a whim, go through the drive-through chapel, and then spend my wedding night at a fetish club on a St. Andrew's Cross. i'll probably never be married, and this is OK. But i still want to go to a fetish club and spend some time on the Cross.

I'm not tagging anyone in particular, but if you read this and want to do 7 random facts, feel free to do it.

Hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into the normal Fanta_Cee. :o)

Making A List

2007-06-25T08:47:00.000-06:00

He told me to make a list for him, of 10 things that I realistically want to try. He told me to have it to Him by the time I get home from work today, and that He is going to pick one of the 10 things to do the next time He sees me.

This delights me and terrifies me at the same time, because while making my list I included things that I’m probably not going to enjoy at first, but that I know would please Him. Does that make sense?

I’m drawing the line at certain things, of course, you know me, but I’m starting to want to have my boundaries pushed a little. I think I’m ready.

But I’m scared.

So, I guess I’m asking for a little bit of advice. I’m starting to venture into uncharted territory. This takes a tremendous amount of trust. I’m more afraid of the trust part than I am of whatever He’s going to do to me. I know I need to just relax and let it happen, and be honest with myself and Him if it gets out of control.

I don’t want Him to be disappointed in me if I can’t follow through – more importantly since I’M the one who has made this list, I’m afraid to disappoint myself.

You know, for not being a pain slut I sure to beat myself up a lot.

I Wonder

2007-06-20T08:37:00.000-06:00

He’s so polite when he makes his rounds here, his keys jingling in his pocket. He’s always so polite and nice, and has great manners.

I wonder if he’d be so polite and nice if he pushed me against the wall, his mouth on mine, knee grinding into me.

I wonder if he’d be so polite and nice if he bent me over his desk, my hand bound behind my back with packing tape.

I wonder if he’d be so polite and nice as he spanked my bare ass, reddening it, raising welts with his belt.

I wonder if he’d be so polite and nice if he pushed me to my knees in front of him.

I wonder if he’d be so polite and nice if he told me how to suck him, when to stop, when to take him deeper.

I wonder if he’d be so polite and nice if he pulled me up by my hair, bending me over his desk again, slamming himself into me.

I wonder if he’d be so polite and nice if he fucked me senseless, his balls slapping against my swollen clit.

I wonder if he’d be so polite and nice if he pulled out and turned me around, cumming all over my face.

I wonder if he’d be so polite and nice if he pulled the tape off my wrists, ordered me to clean him up, and then left me there, on the cement floor, a shaking smiling mess.

I wonder if I'll ever find out...

Good Girl

2007-06-17T21:24:00.000-06:00

We all love to hear it. The strained, gutteral praises for our hard work or the things we have endured.

Call me a good girl and I'm putty in your hands.

i'm laying on my stomach; He is on his back, propped up on my pillows. His cock is beautiful, delicious, as it slides in and out of my warm mouth. One hand is under His bottom, one hand supports me as i service him. His hands are in my hair, caressing my face, pulling my hair back to watch me, pinching my nipples... they are all over.

"Good girl", He says.

It becomes my mission to make Him feel as fantastic as possible, to taste the reward coming to me.

His sharp intake of breath, and the way his hand clenches my hair, tell me that He is very close. i take him deeper, deeper still, moaning around him. my tongue works over Him as He lifts His hips to push deeper into my mouth, down my throat.

He holds me there, and then...

"Thank you", i tell Him.

Submissive or Brainwashed?

2007-06-14T14:54:00.000-06:00

I read, a lot. I read fantasy. I read technical manuals. I read biographies. I read wikipedia like it’s the holy grail. I love to read. This means I have the wonderful privilege of having found so many interesting and thought provoking blogs, from some great people.

However, a startling (to me) trend has caught my attention.

It seems that more and more of us submissives are really throwing ourselves out there, ready and willing to do whatever it takes to please our Dominants. And when I say whatever it takes, I mean it. I’m talking about encouraging serious physical harm to one’s self… or putting said self into jeopardy emotionally, physically, mentally. This is more than just a beating and some name calling. I’m seeing that it’s almost becoming a matter of “I have to do this or he will see me as unfit.” Or that they will be less obedient of a slave if they actually *gasp* have boundaries. That their Dominant will turn his nose up to them and find someone more naughty and willing to do His bidding. Who would have thought that a submissive would have an opinion?

And honestly, I’m not casting judgment on anyone. Far be it for me to sit here on my pedestal and be like “Oh, she has just gone TOO far.” I am just a firm believer in communication, and yes, a firm believer in boundaries. When I say “There is no way in the fires of Hades that I would ever let ANYone pee on me under any circumstances”, that’s what I mean. I don’t mean “Wait until I’m tied up and then piss down my throat”. I mean “Don’t fucking do it.” Not even a please will be considered. This is just an example of one of the hard boundaries that I have.

Does this make me a bad submissive? Hardly. Maybe to some it does, because after all, isn’t submission about pushing the comfort zone and encouraging new and exciting thing? Yes, yes it is. However, I can not allow myself to become something I know I am not. And why force it, when there’s so, so much that I am able and willing to do, endure, experience, enjoy?

Finally

2007-06-08T11:58:00.000-06:00

He came to visit last night, late, after I was already asleep. I heard him come down the stairs into my room, and heard him put his bag down. I pretended to be asleep, because there is a lot going on inside my head right now and I needed to fight with these demons for a moment.

He slid into the bed next to me and whispered hello. I stretched next to him, half-smiling at him in my sleepiness. I said hello back, and he slid closer to me. He doesn’t come over to just hang out anymore, so I knew what he was there for. I was just too tired to put up much of a fight.

His hands roamed my warm body, his lips and teeth greeted my neck and shoulders. He scratched me up and down my back, hard, which I love. I writhed under his touch, I had missed him so much in the last week. He asked me if I liked what he was doing, and all I could do was nod and manage a weak “Mm Hmm”.

He rolled me over onto my back and paid much attention to my tits – biting, pulling, twisting, pinching my nipples. My back arched up to him. He used his nails to scratch my sides, my tits, my stomach. I moaned, gasping at the slight twinges of pain. I trembled under him as my body submitted to him. My mind was suddenly very clear, and I opened up to him fully. He pulled my hair hard, pulling my head to the side to gain more access to my sensitive neck. Biting, sucking, licking, as his knee ground into my throbbing pussy. He told me he could feel me getting hotter, and I flushed with embarrassment. He then did something that drove me completely over the edge… he pinned my hands above my head and bit the undersides of the tops of my arms. It’s such a sensitive spot to begin with, and when he bit it I cried out. He called me “good girl” and grabbed my left tit, and I came, hard - my whole body shook. I have never had an orgasm like that before. His knee continued to torment me, and I tried to push back towards him, but he held me down. He licked, sucked, kissed, bit, and groped me until I was a shaky mess on the bed underneath him.

“Should I take your pants off now?” He asked me. I had forgotten that I still had my pajama pants on at this point. “Yes, please” I begged him. He pulled them off me and I shuddered as the cool air met my wet pussy. I moaned at the mix of sensations. “Please”, I whispered. “Please, what?” he asked, rubbing his beautiful cock on the outside of me. “Please fuck me”, I half whimpered.

And he did. His cock filled me up as he slammed into me, it felt incredible. I came almost immediately, clenching around him. He continued to fuck me hard through 2 more orgasms, and then grabbed me by my throat. “What do you say?” he growled at me. I had forgotten the rule. He kept a hand on my throat and pinched my clit. “Thank you” I managed to whisper, wiggling under the harsh touch he had on me.

The rule is that I have to thank him each time I cum, whether he is with me or not. If I cum by myself, I am to either call or email and tell him thank you. The only thing I can think is that when my mind went so clear, I overlooked one of the most important rules.

So I thanked him, and took a small punishment for forgetting. He felt so good sliding in and out of my swollen pussy. I had 4 more orgasms (4 more thank you’s), and he flipped me over.

Pushing my hips down with both of his hands, he fucked me HARD. My face was buried in the pillows and I bit down on the pillowcases to keep from being too loud. He told me to move my hair out of the way so he could bite me. I did, and he bit the back of my neck so hard, which sent me into a trembling orgasm yet again. (Thank you)

At that time I announced to him “I can’t.” and closed my legs. This proved to be difficult as he was behind me. I told him he broke my pussy, and I couldn’t take anymore. He responded with some pinches to the bottom of my ass and told me to put my legs back. Begrudgingly, I opened back up for him, arched up as best as I could, and he made me cum 2 more times. I didn’t think I had anymore, at which point he told me that I better cum again… I nearly fainted from the intensity of the last one, and gratefully accepted his cum as he shot into me. I couldn’t hardly take any more friction. Even the sensation of him pulling out of me was too much. I whimpered softly, and laid on the bed, spent. He snickered at me as he laid there.

I insist that he has broken something in there. What a way to go.

Sad

2007-06-06T21:08:00.001-06:00

I can feel myself adapting to His wishes. It’s not something I would seek out to do naturally, as I am normally such an independent person.

He makes me want to experience things so far out of my comfort zone, and that is exciting.

My desperate need to please, and my need for felicitation are what drive me to learn more and be receptive to more from Him.

I can honestly say I’ve never been exactly in this type of situation. I’ve always played around, and said “Gee, this seems like something I would like”. But right here? Right where I am? It feels right.

I need for Him to be here with me, but I fear that he is not. I fear that I am no more than a casual fling. And that makes me sad.

Before i Continue, A Short (Ok, maybe not so short) Rant.

2007-06-05T16:33:00.001-06:00

i was somewhat taken aback by a couple of anonymous comments left on 2 earlier posts.

"anonymous" seems to feel that the desires i have are wrong, and that i'm pushing myself past the point of no return. anonymous also feels that physical attention should never be more than caring and delicate, and their opinion seems to be that there must not be room for those of us with different tastes. While I appreciate the comments, and invite others to comment, i feel a strong urge to defend myself.

My preferences have absolutely nothing to do with a need to harm myself, nor do i wish for others to harm me. Yes, playtime gets rough. But it is controlled. And safe. And my Sir would never put me willingly in harm's way. And i am fairly certain that my new blog friends would attest to the same. What would be the fun in just being with someone who was going to beat the shit out of me, without any thought to it? i understand that to those people who are unfamiliar with the lifestyle, or unwilling to understand the lifestyle, that this may seem like the case. That i and other submissives are merely begging for a beating. Beat her ass!! She loves it!! Um, no.

Being fairly new to the "scene" if that's what you want to call it, i still have so much to learn. It's exciting for me. It's all i can do not jump up and down, screaming "Push me! Please!" But alas, i do not. My Sir has been very kind so far, but we have had many discussions about fantasies, and things i am curious about. He is a very intelligent, patient man. And i am thankful for Him. i am also thankful for my new blog friends.

So now, without revealing too much about myself, a little bit about me.

i have a very demanding job, demanding children, a busy social calendar. i do not sit still for any given time from the moment i turn the alarm off until the time the kids head off to bed. For every second of my busy day, i am in control. i lead meetings. i make decisions in the rearing of my children. i pay bills. i make investments. i make some major decisions that impact the company i work for on a daily basis. The LAST thing i want is to come home to some whineass of a man who can't make a decision, or worse yet, who expects me to make his decisions for him.

i do NOT want to be in control for every second of my life, and to me that's where my submissiveness comes in. When the ups and down of normalcy go away, i'm ready for an aggressive Sir to take the reins and bring me down off the ledge. i happily submit to His power. i am giddy to accept His orders. He makes me a better person because i am able to remove myself from the normal day to day bullshit. Pushing boundaries. Exploring fantasies. It's been amazing so far, and i can only hope that it continues to get better. And this is not because of the spankings. If He decided that He would not spank me/flog me/pinch me/bite me, that is up to Him. i would not cry and say "Oh, please Sir kick my ass".

i really don't know where i'm heading with all of this so i will stop now.

Anonymous, i heard you loud and clear but to me, what my Sir does IS love making, because He takes me away from the stress filled days that i am accustomed to. He brings me home. And i could not ask for more.

What It's Like For A Girl

2007-06-02T20:56:00.001-06:00

A smile, a knowing glance, maybe a quick touch here and there. The tension builds.

Showtime.

Bodies pressed tight against each other, writhing, breathing getting heavy. Sporadic moans and gasps as sweet spots are discovered.

Kisses, touches, becoming more frantic as the need grows. Breathing quickens, clothing is slowly shed; or maybe not.

Touches turn into rough gropes, pinches, maybe a well-placed slap.

Paralyzed by fear and anxiety, she trembles as He brings her to her limit.

Naked, glistening sex is marveled over. Then punished. Who knew she was such a willing slut?

... To Be Continued ...

Like i Would.

2007-06-02T16:36:00.000-06:00

Me: “i’m going to lick you and then quit, feign sleep and ignore you”

Him: “If you even think about doing something stupid like that I’ll shove it down your throat so hard you choke for real.”

Why did this conversation make me tingle inappropriately?

On a lighter note, i really want this puppy's collar.

Tardy

2007-05-31T07:20:00.001-06:00

I’m late to work today, it’s all His fault. He surprised me at 3:00 this morning, sliding into my bed with me. I always leave my door unlocked, and He took advantage of that.

I welcomed his warm body next to mine, and soon was trembling under his fingertips. Nipples were twisted. My greedy pussy was spanked. My hair was pulled so delightfully hard. I finally got back to sleep close to 5:00; and the alarm rang at 5:45. The first boy got off to school and I went back to bed to lie next to Him.

At 7:30 my second alarm rang, and I turned it off, attempting to get out of bed without disturbing Him. This proved to be difficult, as he was holding onto me very tightly. He ended up giving me a very proper send off, fucking me hard into my mattress with his hands over my mouth as to not clue the children in to what was going on. I’m still not sure how I managed to stay as quiet as I did, as he fucked me so, so well. He did everything perfect, as per usual. All I could do was lay there and take it, which I was happy to do.

Tonight if He’s still there, after the kids go to bed I’m pretty sure I’ll be in for more, which makes me giddy. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am.

missing Him

2007-05-30T08:44:00.000-06:00

I thought of Him last night at bedtime. My room is lonely without His presence, and I don’t like it. The bed is colder, the sheets are less rumpled.

I used one finger, then two, then three, trying to replicate the fullness He gives me. No such luck. I got a half-assed orgasm out of the deal; and today I am sore b/c I must have done something incorrectly. I guess that’s what I get for being greedy, eh?

Fear

2007-05-29T08:33:00.001-06:00

To fully submit, I need to fully trust. I can’t open myself up if there is any doubt at all about where I stand. I need to know that He is not going to just take off down the road tomorrow if he finds something better. I cannot fully give myself to Him if this is just a casual “Oh I’ll get a hold of you when I want something” situation. I need for it to feel right. And I’m not patient enough to wait. There is a part of me that is aching for growth, and I need the right person to encourage that growth.

In the regular dating world it is next to impossible to just come out and tell someone “I’m extremely submissive, and slightly masochistic”. The typical guy will take that as “Hooray, she is going to just roll over and let me do whatever I want.” Um, no. Submissive does not equal slut. Well, of course I’ll always be a slut for my Dom. But not a slut for you, Mr. Frat Boy. I’m just like any other girl. It takes time, patience, and support.

I need for someone to hold my hand through all of this. There is so much going on that I have yet to discover, and so much I want to share of myself.

I’m scared. What if I never find Him?

A good submissive doesn’t ask questions. Maybe I’m not as good as I thought.

Hurt Me

2007-05-27T20:28:00.000-06:00

The topic of pain often comes up occasionally in conversations with one of my best friends. She'll catch a glimpse of a fading bruise while I am changing, or the neckline in my shirt will shift just right to allow her a glimpse of a pale mark.

She doesn't understand, and she is worried about my preferences. I can sense her silence judgmentalness, and I don't fault her for it. She doesn't understand what it's like to crave what I do. "How does that work for you?" she usually asks. And I have no intelligent way to explain it to her, because she probably will never understand. Her relationship is very traditional, and from what I've been told, her sex is very vanilla and loving. And that is what works for her. I love that she is getting what she needs, and she is happy.

But for me, it's more than just rough sex. It's about the trust involved with allowing someone to push my boundaries. It's about needing the control, the loss of power. I'm never happier than when I am on my knees, giving pleasure, being used for the enjoyment of another. The pain is just a bonus. Biting, scratching, pinching, clamping... more, please!! The shakes that come with the adrenaline rush are fantastic. To be on my stomach, tied to the bed, trembling while lash after lash is laid on my backside... Yes. It hurts. It fucking hurts badly. But the pain is quickly forgotten when I hear the gutteral praises that follow. I've done well, I've taken the punishment, I've done as a good little slut should. Sometimes there is a reward, but the best reward for me is tasting his cock, showing him how good I can be; bringing pleasure where it's desired most. And if that happends to involve a good beating, well more the better for everyone.

**I should note that I am not good at remembering to punctuate myself as a submissive (i.e. using lower case i to refer to myself, and uppercase H's to refer to my dominant. It's in no way meant to be a sign of disrespect**

Do You?

2007-05-19T10:38:00.000-06:00

Do you want me when I'm on my knees in front of you, my knees being bruised by the hard floor?

Do you want me with my hands pinned behind my back, bent over for you, you can use the restraints as leverage.

Do you want me when I'm tied to the bed, spread open for you to abuse?

Do you want me after my body has been punished and I am a quivery weepy mess on the bed?

Do you want me when you bring me to my breaking point and my defiant eyes silently challenge you for more although my pleas to stop are very loud?

Because I want you.

I want you to force me to my knees in front of you.

I want you to make me beg to taste you.

I want you to make me undress you.

I want you to grab my hair and force your cock all the way down my throat as my eyes water; spit running down my face and eventually my arms.

I want you to use me in whatever way you choose, whether it's to be tied down and abused until you are done with me, or if it's to punish me and make me come until it hurts.

I want you to leave bruises and marks in secret places that I can look at and remember who I belong to.

Do you?

I want you to want me.

In The Morning

2007-01-17T12:11:00.000-05:00

The morning after, I usually can’t look him right in the eye. If I do, I quickly look away and blush, knowing what he did to me the night before. I’m supposed to be a nice girl. Nice girls don’t like the things that we did last night. Or do they?

He’s fun. We make jokes while he’s mid-stroke. I tell him he has to leave, and he holds me down by the hair and fucks me harder. Then he asks me if I REALLY want him to go. I can’t answer, because thoughts are impossible at that point. I love it.

He’s really good at telling me what he wants, which I love. He’s not afraid to tell me to get down there and blow him. That’s my favorite part. Ding, ding, ding – submissive! He’s got a perfect cock. It’s good-sized, proportioned well, and it tastes fantastic. I love it when he grabs my hair and tells me to look at him, as he forces me down further on it. I wouldn’t dream of gagging, but fortunately he knows how much I can take at a time. He pulls me off it and holds me by my hair, and rubs his dick on my mouth, all over my tongue. It gets so wet. It makes wonderful slurping noises, it’s really a beautiful thing.

He tells me he’s had enough, and to get on all fours, because I’m getting fucked. I move quickly, mostly because I’m so excited to feel his cock inside me. It’s really a spectacle to behold. Up on my knees I go; he starts with his fingers, not gentle either. Sometimes he’ll even put his thumb up higher, on my ass. He knows exactly how to do it, too. Biting the pillow, I arch my back. I would beg if I could talk. I feel him position himself behind me; I can feel the weight of his dick pressing against me. He pushes gently… almost. Then he pulls back. He cups my jaw in his hand, bringing my head back. Biting my shoulder. He makes me beg for it. I push my hips back, hoping to feel a little bit of his cock. He slaps my ass, hard. After all, he did tell me to beg for it. Groaning, I beg him to fuck me. I’m so wet I can feel it running down my thighs. I reach down and feel myself. Slick, swollen. See what you did? I ask him. He grabs my hips and slams himself into me. I respond with a gasp, arching my back and grabbing at the sheets. I’ll have bruises later. Delightful, pale purple bruises, where he holds onto my hips and fucks me. If I’m a good girl he’ll put his finger up my ass. He doesn’t talk much, unless it’s to order me around, or to tell me he’s close. Either one is great. When he’s close, he pulls out of me and I finish him off with my mouth. He always comes hard, because he makes himself wait. Mostly for my benefit. He says he likes to torture me and see how many times he can make me come, before he does. Most nights I lose count. It’s a pretty decent arrangement. I enjoy it when he comes, though. His whole body tenses up, he shakes, and I can tell he holds his breath. Then when the release comes, wow. It’s great. We always joke about how much there is, because damn.

The best part after all the raunchy sex (because there’s so much I’m not saying yet)? After we get cleaned up and the shakes go away, he sleeps right next to me. Not suffocating, not clingy, he’s just there, our thighs touching in the bed. And I still can’t look at him in the morning.

Friends Don't Let Friends

2007-01-07T22:13:00.000-05:00

I have officially made a new rule for myself, and I will share it with all of you: If you are going to have phone sex with a stranger, never meet them in real life. Let the fantasy stay where you make it.

Here is my public service announcement:

I had become bored, and was up late one night to see one of the "Call now!" dateline commercials. I was in no mood to talk to some hot chick, but still I was intrigued, and decided to check it out. P.S. Who talks on the phone late at night dressed like they are going to the bar? Those bustiers and heels are constricting. Let that shit air out, honey.

It was free to join the telephone dating service, so I called and made my profile. I said exactly what I was looking for "someone who shares my interests, and no perverts. I'm not on here for physical reasons". Needless to say, I shouldn't have said that, because I was pelted with replies from married men and pigs. "Are you shaved?" "I'm looking for discreet". And the like. I was ready to delete my ad after a few days, this was ridiculous. I decided to give it another shot, and one night I was on the line browsing ads, when I came across Mike. His name is not Mike, because he LIED about that too. But more of that to come. His ad stated "Mike, 31 year old dominant male". *PERK* I believe we have a winner!! Now I didn't go on the dateline to get laid, but come on. When fate throws you a bone... then fucking run because that shit is too good to be true.

I sent messages back and forth to Mike a few times, just pretty much asking about his dominant side. He had questions for me, to see if I was a submissive or if I was just yanking his chain. After a few messages back and forth, he asked for my phone number so that we could continue our conversation. Yes, I know. You can punish me later. I'll let you borrow my favorite flog.

Mike called that night and we had a super long conversation, pretty much about sex. What we liked, what I had never tried. He seemed to be the one asking all the questions, which is fine with me being a sub and all. Then I heard it "slap slap slap slap". The unmistakeable sound of male masturbation.

"So what are you doing?" I asked him, like I didn't already know.

"Stroking my cock", he replied, just as easily as he would answer someone who was asking for the time. I actually blushed. This was a first, even for me! I made the mistake of telling him this, and so eventually he talked me into touching myself also. He was a great talker, fantastic phone voice, he made it very easy. He talked me into WANTING to do it, because honestly I had always been creeped out by the idea of phone sex. But all of a sudden, I was jumping at the chance, tripping over the pajama bottoms around my ankles, trying to get to my favorite accessory.

And let me tell you about the conversations... wow. Over the course of a couple weeks we had a "conversation" every night that lasted anywhere from 1 - 2 hours. We role-played. He bossed me around. I pretended I didn't like it. He would seriously make me ask permission to come. It was so exciting. I would be right there, and he could tell... and he would tell me to beg him. "you want to come? come on, beg for it..." Hot shit, totally. I would come until I was exhausted, shaking on the bed. Then he would make me do it again.

I've read up on it, and apparently that's a form of humilation, being forced to ask for that kind of thing. Of course it made me feel so naughty, but I would be literally dripping, swollen up; it was like my body wanted me to beg for it too. I would have begged had he been there in person.

Or maybe not.

I made the mistake of telling Mike where I work. He called me on a Saturday morning, and asked me which door was open. I asked why, and he said that he was here to have me show him the conference room. Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!? At first I was excited, then I realized I hadn't landscaped. And that I was wearing horrible magenta panties.

But all that didn't matter once I saw him.

He showed up, and I immediately lost my hard on. He was most certainly NOT 31 years old. He appeared to be in his late 40's. And tall dark & handsome? No. Try short & pasty with a pot belly and an overbite. The strong jawbone I had imagined clenched in arousal? Nonexistant, and so was his chin. I was mortified. This man had heard me come, had MADE me come!!! And here he was, expecting me to just bend over for him that instant!! I made a panicked phone call to my good friend, who is dating a co-worker of mine, and told her that her bf needed her. Then I lied to Houdini (He had to be damn Houdini, hiding hot ass Mike and showing up as Fugly) about having to meet a customer. He left, and I have dodged his calls since.

I went home, showered, and bleached my telephone. Then I deleted my dateline ad.

So kids, pay attention. Phone sex with someone you care about is fine. But if you are going to do it with a stranger, keep it strange.

I think I need another shower.

Pop

2007-01-07T21:28:00.000-05:00

OK, I'm here. I have no idea what this is going to turn into.

I have a very active imagination, which sometimes gets me into trouble. So I need a place to vent, let off some steam, write shit down.

This is not a place for grocery lists.

This is about fantasy. I recommend and encourage suggestions. The naughtier the better.

Now, get comfortable. Let's hope this gets yummy.

Super Fantastic

Smooth Operator

Kids!!!

On Being Greedy...

Puddles...

Crash

Hahaha

Do You?

Paint It Black...

Drought

Not Yet

Passionate Kisses...

Fly On The Wall

Changing

Naughty... or Nice?

Imagine This?

I'm Gonna Make You Love Me

Inferno

Figured Me Out

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Comic Relief

Inner Strength

Masturbation Fodder

Moist

Tagged - Hooray!!

Wishes

100 Things

If You'd Like To Make A Call...

Restless

You're So Charming When You Fuck Me Over

Ravenous

Working Late

New Discovery

Nice

Foolish

Accepting Defeat

Tagged by Dark Pixie :o)

Making A List

I Wonder

Good Girl

Submissive or Brainwashed?

Finally

Sad

Before i Continue, A Short (Ok, maybe not so short) Rant.

What It's Like For A Girl

Like i Would.

Tardy

missing Him

Fear

Hurt Me

Do You?

In The Morning

Friends Don't Let Friends

*Pop*

Pop